


To See Color

by Tonystarkisaslut



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Peter Parker/tony stark background, Sam’s POV, Steve’s POV, bucky’s POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24222031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tonystarkisaslut/pseuds/Tonystarkisaslut
Summary: Steve would give anything to be able to see in color. To be Bucky’s soulmate.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 16
Kudos: 25





	To See Color

Steve would give anything, _everything_ to see in color. Not because he hates only seeing in black and white, or because he feels like he’s missing out. He doesn’t actually know what color is like, so he doesn’t care that he’s missing it.

No, he wants to see in color because you only see in color once you’ve met your soulmate. And Steve is pretty damn sure the universe messed up, because Bucky _is_ his soulmate. Has to be.

Steve has been in love with Bucky since they were two years old. They started dating when they figured out what dating was. They started fucking when they figured out what fucking was.

They agreed, by the time they hit high school, that it didn’t matter they weren’t soulmates. That they loved each other and always would.

But then Bucky died, which put Steve in a not-so-great mental place which then led to Steve to put the plane in the ice.

Skip 70 years and Steve comes out of the ice and the only thing Steve can think is “I’ll never see color, because everyone that _could_ have been meant as my soulmate is dead by now.”

Skip some more and Bucky is back, whoops, but he has Sam and Natasha to help get him back.

Skip skip skip. More fighting. Fighting on a giant killer plane. Almost dying on the giant killer plane. Bucky is gone again. Start the search again. Find Bucky again. Yay T’Challa thanks for un-brainwashing him.

And then he finally got Bucky back. _His_ Bucky. His again, and he gets to spend the rest of his life with him.

Except for, maybe not.

“Hey, Bucky! I want to introduce you to Sam. He’s my friend, and he helped… Bucky?”

Bucky looks absolutely horrified. He turns to look at Steve, and then the sky like he’s fighting back tears. “Your eyes are the same color as the sky, Stevie. They’re blue.”

Steve is confused at first, but then he turns to Sam who looks halfway between guilty and amazed and it clicks.

“Oh,” Steve says softly. Because he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to say in this situation.

Bucky turns to him, and he can’t fight back his tears anymore. “It doesn’t have to mean anything!” He’s quick to say. “We could be just friends, you know? Or-“

“That’s not how soul bonds work, Buck. You know that,” Steve says, much softer.

Bucky shakes his head, lower lip trembling. “This isn’t _fair_! I don’t want a different soulmate! We—we made a pact, remember? That even if we got other soulmates, we would-“

“We were kids, Buck. We thought we knew better than the universe. You know that isn’t how this works, honey.”

Sam steps forward, clearing his throat. “He’s um… he’s right Bucky. We’re connected now, and… and that comes with a lot of… I guess to you, negative side effects. Being intimate with someone else will feel wrong, like you’re distracted the entire time. There’s a… biological pull to me, now, and being away from me for too long will start to make you anxious and agitated. You won’t be happy with Steve. I’m… I’m sorry.”

Steve winces again at the last part. _He won’t be happy with me_. “It’s okay, Bucky. It isn’t your fault. It’s okay.”

“But I don’t _want_ to spend the rest of my life with someone I haven’t ever met before, I want you!” Bucky cries, clinging to Steve.

Steve hugs him back, kissing the top of his head softly. “I know,” he says, and he’s proud his voice doesn’t break. “I know Bucky. But that’ll go away soon, right? You’ll forget all about me, promise.” He’s going for joking, but the sadness underlying it is impossible to hide.

“Steve-“ Bucky whimpers, pulling Steve down for a kiss.

And Steve can already _feel_ it. It isn’t as good. It isn’t as loving. It isn’t as passionate. It’s like a duty, like Bucky is just doing what he’s supposed to do. It _kills_ him.

“It’s okay, Bucky. It’s okay. I just want you to be happy.”

~

It’s not okay.

Steve moves into the tower with Sam and Bucky. He’s on a separate floor. But he moved in at Bucky’s request.

He’s sure Bucky regrets it by now. Always having Steve there. Always having that reminder.

Steve tried his best, to be normal. Pretend it doesn’t kill him to see Sam and Bucky cuddling on the couch, or kissing where they think he can’t see, or looking at each other like they-

Like they’re soulmates.

But Steve tries. He really does. He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t avoid them, or any of the team. He doesn’t mope around or pout.

He’s sure everyone can tell anyway.

It’s the way Tony looks at him, before giving him some type of present. Usually food.

It’s the way Sam never talks about Bucky to Steve, even though Steve said it was okay. What are best friends for, if you can’t talk about the most important person in your life?

It’s the way Natasha squeezes his shoulder as she walks past. The way Clint gives him that sympathetic look every time he sees him. The way Wanda can’t look Steve in the eyes anymore.

The way Bucky can’t be in the same room alone with Steve.

It’s killing him. He’s trying his goddamn best, why isn’t it enough? Why is everyone still treating him like he’s a kicked puppy? Why is it so obvious he’s not okay?

Why isn’t he enough?

~

Steve couldn’t keep it together anymore when _Natasha_ was the one to hand him his divorce papers.

“What is this?” Steve asks, even though he knows. He’s more asking ‘why are you giving me these?’

Natasha sighs heavily. “Sam proposed last night,” she says instead of a real answer.

Steve clenches his jaw, staring down at the papers. “He didn’t tell me,” he says. “I’m his best friend. I’m supposed to help him pick out the ring, and tell him how to do it, hype him up. But he didn’t even tell me.”

Natasha sits next to him, and is quiet for a long time. “You’re allowed to be sad, you know. You lost the love of your life _and_ your best friend in one fell swoop.”

And that’s when it clicks. “He isn’t my best friend anymore,” Steve says quietly. Brokenly. Because he only _just now_ realized this fact. “Oh.”

Nat rubs his shoulder, and nods. “I know,” she says. Because she always knows everything.

Steve can’t help it. He’s safe here, Sam and Bucky won’t ever know he cried. So he does; he turns into Natasha and cries; because he didn’t _just_ lose Bucky like he originally thought; he lost Sam too. He lost his best friend.

He feels so fucking _alone_.

~

Steve regrets marrying Bucky as soon as he got his mind back. He was just so excited that they _could_ get married, that it was legal… he took Bucky to the courthouse and had a judge marry them. They hadn’t invited anyone, they didn’t get dressed up, they didn’t do anything. Steve just desperately wanted to say Bucky was his _husband_ , so they got married as soon as possible.

He regrets it for two reasons. The first one is obvious: he had to get a divorce from Bucky, instead of just breaking up. Which broke his heart all over again.

Signing those papers was the hardest thing he ever forced himself to do.

The second reason is… Bucky looks _beautiful_. He’s so god damn beautiful, walking down the isle in his suit. He’s _glowing_. He looks so happy, so in love.

It makes Steve genuinely smile. Seeing Bucky so happy; it’s the biggest thing Steve has ever wanted.

He stands at the alter; Bucky chose him as his best man. Sam didn’t. But that’s okay, because Steve gets it. He supposed he wouldn’t want his groom’s ex husband as his best man either.

He _would_ want his best friend, but Steve has had enough time to take it in that they aren’t best friends anymore.

He watches as they exchange vows. As they promise forever to each other ~~just like Bucky and Steve did, but this time they mean it~~. As they kiss, and it’s official. As they run away together down the isle to cheers and applause.

Everyone cries at weddings, right?

~

Stark paid for them to have an entire month long honeymoon, on some private island thousands of miles away.

Steve doesn’t know if it was Sam and Bucky or for Steve. Because Steve isn’t sure if he could have kept it together seeing them in the honeymoon phase.

He thinks it’s for him, actually, because on the first night they’re gone, Tony comes to sit with him, a bottle of booze Steve can’t get drunk off of in his hands.

“I get it, Steve. How it feels. When Pepper found… it killed me. So, I can only imagine what it’s like for you.”

Steve laughed brokenly, taking the tumbler and toasting Tony. “At least you have Peter now,” Steve says softly.

Tony smiles sadly, taking a sip. “Yeah. I suppose it isn’t all bad.”

~

Steve would give anything to see in color. Not because he hates seeing in black and white, or because he’s jealous. But because he wants to be Bucky Barnes’ soulmate so fucking bad.

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know if you guys would actually like Sam and Bucky’s POV or if it would be too repetitive and boring.


End file.
